Asking how to bring lesbian bars back is the wrong question

I can’t tell you how many times someone has bemoaned to me the loss of lesbian bars and asked how to bring them back. It’s true. Lesbian bars have been closing. Many American cities no longer have a full-time lesbian bar. Many cities also have fewer gay male bars and fewer leather bars and fewer bars in general. It’s just that we’ve really noticed and felt the loss of lesbian bars because we didn’t have that many to begin with.

But, much like the women I hung out with at lesbian bars — when that was a possibility — who regularly bemoaned, “I wish we had some place else to hang out besides a bar,” we’re asking the wrong question. Also, be careful what you wish for.

The closure of our lesbian bars is absolutely a loss. When we were hanging out at lesbian bars fantasizing about being able to eat and drink and be visibly lesbian in many more places, it never occurred to us that this gain would have such a price.

But if you don’t ask the right question, you’ll never get the right answer.

We socialize differently in the 21st century than in the 20th century, and I’m going to put forward a far more interesting and more important question. What can we do to create a vibrant, welcoming, fun community of lesbians, bisexual women, queer women, and transgender women? How do we create a space where people feel so safe that they say hello to the person next to them? Maybe even start a conversation? And if that leads to more, great. And, if it doesn’t, it was still fun. How do we create a community that builds people up, a community that supports the sick, a community that protects each other.

I don’t have good answers, but I will say that I have more negative stories about lesbian bars than positive ones. I don’t want to go back to that. I’m not sad we have moved on.

But what have we moved onto? We have softball teams, much like we always did. Those haven’t gone away. We now have other sports teams. That’s an interesting development. We have meetup groups and Facebook groups and one-off parties.

Here’s my challenge to you (and myself as well). Let’s make this vibrant, welcoming, fun community of lesbians, bisexual women, queer women, and transgender women happen. It won’t even require us to open a bar or a coffee house or set up a new online group. Take some small action, whatever that may be, even for just a moment, and we can change the world. Think about the community we want. Act as if it is real. Love like we’ve never been hurt. Talk as if we will always be heard. Judge others lightly, if at all. It won’t be easy, but we can do this. We can make a community that is better than it ever has been, with or without lesbian bars.

Elizabeth Andre writes lesbian romance, science fiction, and paranormal adventure. She is a lesbian in an interracial same-sex marriage living in the Midwest. She hopes you enjoy her stories. She certainly loves writing them. If you would like to support her work, become a member of her Patreon or subscribe to her email newsletter.